How is it that we feel more connected today than ever in history, and yet we feel more lonely than ever?

We have never been so connected.

We can send a message to someone within seconds, know what our friends are up to worldwide, share moments in real time, and be informed of the life of a hundred people without having to talk to anyone.

But for many, it seems, we are more isolated today than we have ever been.

Maybe we haven't lost connection. Maybe we've subtly begun trading in our Heart for our fingers and keys.

You may have people around you, but you don't feel like you're known.

It's possible to have hundreds of followers and have no one that you feel comfortable talking to when you are in trouble. It's OK to have dinner with friends and all look at their phones. You can sleep next to your partner each night, and feel emotionally distant.

Not being alone doesn't always mean you're not lonely.

More often, it feels like it's being the friend who is always there, who's always smiling, who's always replying to texts, who's always showing up, and the person who's always the same, and nobody really would notice if you weren't okay, right?

We're Seeing More of Each Other, but Not Knowing Each Other?

Social media lets us view snapshots of people's lives and those snapshots do not necessarily provide us the whole person.

We see holidays and achievements and we see relationships and beautiful meals and celebrations. The things we don't always witness are the arguments that preceded the photo; the anxiety that underlies the accomplishment; or the sleeplessness of the person asking themselves why it's not everyone else living this way?

It can be easy to feel like we're behind when we constantly compare our inner with another person's outer life.

At times, we don't even notice that we're presenting ourselves too.

"I'm okay."

"Everything's good."

"Just busy."

At some point we can end up having a lot of people around who know what we are doing, but don't know how we are doing it.

Real connection is about being vulnerable.

True relationship is not established with pristine versions of ourselves.

It is when we let ourselves be named. It is when we allow ourselves to be known.

Telling a friend, “Yeah, I have some problems here these days.”

It is ignoring a loved one's words when they're talking to you.

Asking, "How are you really?," and willing to stay so long as they take time to answer.

It's making uncomfortable conversations easier. It's making the uncomfortable conversation easier!

That doesn't necessarily mean revealing all of these to all. Trust and boundaries are essential to healthy vulnerability. However, emotional closeness is impossible if no one can ever see beyond our image of ourselves that we think we can accept.

The essence of connection is to choose it.

Technology isn't the enemy. It enables us to keep in touch, connect, and communicate with other people we may not have met otherwise.

However, digital contact is not fully able to substitute for the face-to-face presence.

Often it starts with the little things - eating dinner without phones, making a phone call instead of a text, going to see someone in person, simply checking in on a withdrawn friend, or giving it the old college try to say that we need help too.

And if you have been feeling lonely, it does not necessarily mean that you need more people in your life.

Just maybe it's just more space that you need to be yourself.

For after all, the opposite of loneliness is not the presence of people.

It feels like it is being seen, heard, understood, and knowing that somewhere there is somebody that it belongs. It was important to keep it as human as possible and reflective, not so academic that it will not resonate on an emotional level with someone who is on your clinic website, but will remain as professional and therapeutic as you can.